Help me Understand
by tokiomuse
Summary: Fluffy Drarry ... I suck at summaries... rated M to be safe. This is my very first fanfic so ALL reviews are greatly appreciated :) based on the song Monster by Big Bang
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: this is a harry potter fanfic. i own none of the characters sadly or else draco and harry would more than likely end up together. this is a draco/harry fic there are some adult themes ahead so read on with caution. this first chapter is innocent enough though... ;) hope you enjoy 3

takes place during harry's fourth year at hogwarts

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Harry gazed up from his bed in the infirmary, everyone had left. He shuddered as he remembered fragments of what had happened. He, Harry Potter, had seen Voldemort brought back to life, Cedric Digory killed, and had won the triwizard tournament. He looked over at the sack of money and scowled. He felt as if it were blood money and knew that every time he saw it he would remember the horrors of that night. He turned away in disgust just in time to see Draco Malfoy enter the infirmary, or at least he thought it was Draco, it was a little hard to tell without his glasses on. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep as he heard Draco coming closer.

"What a sodding idiot, doesn't he realize that he isn't wanted here?" Harry thought to himself. He heard Draco sigh and opened his eyes ever so slightly, he had never heard such a sad, heartbroken sound come from the pure-blood. Draco had a look of disgust on his perfect face which contrasted greatly with the sigh he had just uttered. "Prolly upset I didn't get killed like Cedric," he thought grumpily as he closed his eyes fully "bloody pure-blood prat."

"Harry," it was the saddest, most forlorn whisper Harry had heard. Draco sat near the bed and gazed at Harry, if Malfoys could cry he would be bawling like a baby right now, "if Malfoys could cry," Draco tried to laugh but it caught in his throat. He ran his hand through his hair.

The next time that Harry dared open his eyes it was morning. He groaned and tried to sit up only to find something was on him. his eyes widened, heart rate instantly racing, as he instantly thought that Voldemort had somehow made it onto Hogwarts' grounds just to finish what he started in the graveyard. He slowly let his eyes fall to the object that was pinning him down, ready to attack. Draco lay fast asleep, his pale blonde hair was as messy as Harry's and his arm lay on Harry's stomach just above the hem of his pants. Draco was facing away from Harry , his head lay on the mattress next to Harry's hip. Harry relaxed into his pillow relieved that it wasn't Voldemort that was pinning him. Draco sighed in his sleep moving his arm, unpinning Harry, and turned his head.

Now that Harry could see Draco, he decided that Draco had gotten prettier since his first year at Hogwarts. He knew that if Draco ever heard him say the word pretty while referring to the pure-blood he would be beaten to a pulp. Despite that Harry had always thought Draco was absolutely breath-taking. Harry felt his hand move toward the perfect pale boy at his hip. He stopped himself and let his hand linger inches away from Draco's tousled hair. Draco's eyes slowly opened and Harry's hand shot away from his head so fast it was as if it had been burned. Now that Draco was awake Harry could feel the chill he always seemed to send off.

Draco scowled as he saw the look on Harry's face. It sickened him to know that he had not only fallen asleep at Harry's bedside but been caught doing so. He knew that he could never be anywhere near as perfect as Harry seemed to be. Draco even believed that whatever had made him come to Harry's bedside was not nearly enough to make Harry want him, even as a friend. There was no way they would ever understand each other. Draco sighed, looked away from Harry, and stood.

"Voldemort is alive," Harry said it so nonchalant that Draco's jaw tightened.

He took a deep breath, steadying his nerves, "Harry," there was so much Draco wanted to know, so many questions burning in the back of his mind. Draco could tell that Harry didn't want to talk about Voldemort. He knew that Harry was already tired of explaining what had happened. "If anyone finds out i was here, at your bedside..."

"Draco! Voldemort is alive!" Harry glared at Draco and sat up, "He killed Cedric! Don't you even care?" Draco just stood there, facing away from Harry, fixing his hair. Harry scowled and what happened next surprised both of them, Draco's hair was suddenly growing longer and longer.

"Knock it off Harry!" Draco spun to face Harry so fast that his now girlishly long hair grazed Harry's cheek. Draco turned to storm off. Harry lunged across his bed and reached out for him and grabbed his wrist. Draco glared and roughly yanked his wrist away, leaving without another word.

Harry felt foolish. He didn't even know what had happened. He knew that whenever he felt strongly about something his magic tended to get out of control but he had never done something as harmless as making someone else's hair grown. Harry sighed and placed his head in his hands. If he hadn't reached out for Draco maybe he would still be here. He would more than likely be yelling at Harry . Yes, Harry felt extremely foolish and he didn't want to think about Draco anymore, so he reached over to his bedside table and took a long drag of the potion that was there. He soon found himself fast asleep dreaming of nothing, no Voldemort or Draco, just blissful nothingness.

A few days after Harry was released from the infirmary the end of the year feast was held. Harry hadn't seen Draco since the day that Draco had visited Harry. Harry was a bit worried that he had made things worse than before, and he hadn't even thought that was possible. Harry was sure that Draco was planning some kind of slimy Slytherin revenge, and he feared what it might be. Once at the feast Harry finally saw Draco. He was acting as if nothing had happened in the infirmary. Maybe Harry had just imagined it all, he had been under a lot of stress.

The feast passed and Harry made his way to the Gryffindor tower. "What is the meaning of this?" An all to familiar voice echoed off the cold stone walls. "It's not even Christmas anymore!" Harry peeked into the empty corridor, Draco was trapped under some Weasley Wizard Wheezes Magical Mistletoe. The mistletoe was known to trap two people under it and force them to kiss, but it had to be the right to people or only one of them would be freed.

Harry laughed as he approached Draco. "I didn't think that Malfoys could get trapped by mistletoe," Harry sneered as Draco glared at him.

"We don't" Draco spat out and went to walk away only to bump into the invisible mistletoe barrier.

"Sure looks that way," Harry carefully stepped under the mistletoe. He wanted answers and knew that Draco would refuse unless her and Draco were trapped together. Draco looked horrified, Harry chuckled "I thought Malfoys didn't get scared."

"We don't Potter!" Draco growled, "And don't think that my father won't hear about this!"

"What, you need daddy's help to get out of some enchanted mistletoe?" Harry leaned closer to Draco daring him to attack.

Draco lunged at Harry, all thought was gone. He tackled Harry to the ground, straddled him, and punched the ground next to Harry's head. "Careful Potter, I wouldn't want to get my hands dirty with your filth." Harry scowled and threw Draco off of himself.

"At least I don't run to daddy for everything!" Harry was shacking with rage. He didn't want to fight Draco. Harry slammed his fist on the barrier.

"That's not going to help us any," Draco was struggling to keep in temper in check. "Why did you come here anyways?" Harry hated Draco, Draco knew this so why in the name of Merlin would he walk into a trap that required kissing to escape?

Harry turned to look at Draco. Draco's cool gray eyes betrayed nothing, he actually wanted to know why Harry had come here. Draco was curious, Harry smirked. Draco was nothing like the emotionless Malfoy he said he was. "Well I ..." He broke off, he couldn't tell Draco that he had come because he wanted to know why Draco had come to the infirmary when Harry was there. "Um... well..." He fidgeted with his fingers.

"Out with it." Draco was losing what little patience he had gained from attacking Harry earlier.

"Why were you in the infirmary that night?" Harry all but spat it out. Draco's eyes widened.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Draco breathlessly answered.

"Yes you do! Just tell me!" Harry glared and stepped closer to Draco.

"I..." Draco swallowed. He was panicking, there was no where he could run. Then it struck him, there was a way to run. Draco smirked as he closed the space between himself and Harry. Gathering all of his courage Draco placed one hand on the small of Harry's back and the other on his cheek. Draco took a breath and then pressed his lips to Harry's. The kiss was perfect, electrifying, Draco's kips fit perfectly with Harry's. After a few seconds Draco pulled away and ran off. He touched his lips once he was sure he was alone and that Harry hadn't followed him. Draco was breathing heavily and he knew that it was partially because he had kissed Harry Potter. There was no way he was telling anyone about this. He blushed slightly as he thought about what his father would do if he found out.

Still under the mistletoe, Harry also touched his lips. He hadn't expected Draco to kiss him, he had been sure that he would have to summon someone here so they could let him out. Harry looked down the corridor that Draco had fled down and laughed lightly. "He's such a sodding coward," Harry laughed again as he wondered if he would see Draco on the train to London tomorrow

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thanks so much for reading the first chapter :D please feel free to rate and review


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: I do not own these characters, sadly... if i did Harry would end up with Draco and not Ginny  
warning: men kissing men ahead you have been warned warned

takes place during harry's fifth year at hogwarts

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Harry wasn't sure if he was angrier because Draco was a prefect or because everyone had expected that Harry would be. Either way he started his fifth year angry. He was angry at everyone for whispering, spreading rumors, and most of all not believing whatever he had to say. A few weeks had past and Harry could now go to his dorm room without being followed by hushed voices, it eased his pain slightly.

Harry found that he had completely forgotten about his kiss with Draco until late one night when Harry knew he was suppose to be asleep, he saw Draco staring at the ceiling with a heartbroken look on his face. Harry looked up out of curiosity and saw that there was some dead mistletoe attached there. He looked at Draco again grateful that he had his invisibility cloak on.

Draco moved his eyes away from the withered plant on the ceiling and sighed running a hand through his hair. He was starting to get tired and irritated. It didn't help matters any that he felt as if someone was watching him but didn't see anyone. Draco touched his lips remembering how perfect and electrifying kissing Harry had been. When he realized he was reminiscing he glared at the wall, tearing his hand away from his mouth. "Potter will pay for this," he growled to the night air as he huffily made his way to the Slytherin dorms.

After that night the days passed in quick succession. Harry found himself either too busy teaching about fighting the dark arts during the day and too tired at night to give much thought to Draco. The day Harry kissed Cho he finally thought about Draco again, he thought about how right it had felt kissing Draco, Something had to be wrong with him if he thought Draco was a better kisser than Cho. Harry decided it was because Cho had been crying and left it at that.

Draco on the other hand found that he had a lot of free time. He hated this because whenever he thought he had nothing to do he found his mind wandering to Harry. Things got so bad that Draco decided he would get Dolores Umbridge to stop Harry's magic trick class, or whatever it was, and even Draco hated Umbridge. The hatred between Harry and Draco increased after that to the point that Draco wondered why he still thought of the kiss they had shared.

Harry flopped onto his bed, it was nice to know that the rumors about him had calmed down. He smiled to himself and let his dreary mind wander. He smelt Draco and Harry's eyes snapped open. He laughed brokenly as he realized that he was once again thinking about the kiss under the mistletoe he had with Draco. Harry knew that he had acted foolishly after Dolores had broken into the Room of Requirement, he knew that he shouldn't be as mad as he was at Draco. Harry knew that deep down he wanted to be a part of Draco's life forever, even if it was an insignificant part. Harry smothered his face into the pillow and let sleep take him.

Draco was having trouble eating his breakfast usually he loved getting Potter in trouble, but this time he felt as if he had crossed a line. Draco dropped his toast back onto the plate, scowling as a hoard of girls giggled and looked at Harry. Draco stood and left the Great Hall without a backward glance. He made his way to the quidditch field breathing in the early spring air.

It had been almost a year since Draco had been trapped under the mistletoe. He looked to the pale blue sky and frowned. Nothing had happened that year, well nothing that Draco had wanted. It seemed as if the divide between Harry and himself was growing larger. Draco walked to a nearby tree, abandoning his trip to the quidditch field, and leaned against it. The rough bark pressed against his back in a slightly painful way, he felt he deserved the pain for pushing Harry away. Draco let his eyes fall close. He kept them closed as he thought about how things could have gone if he had been more welcoming and less snide to Harry.

Harry had followed Draco, wanting to pick a fight. He stopped in front of Draco only to find that his eyes were closed. Harry swallowed thickly, whenever Draco let his guard down Harry could see the torment that was hidden inside. It always made Harry slightly sad to think that he was adding to Draco's inner torment. Harry cleared his throat.

"What do you want Potter?" Draco didn't even open his eyes. He knew is was Harry, he could smell him and feel his undeniable presence, Draco could even hear him breathing.

"I just... ... er..." Draco could almost see the confusion on Harry's face and chuckled opening his eyes at last.

He regretted it instantly, Harry was so much more handsome up close than Draco remembered. Draco scowled, "What Potter, can't you see I'm busy?"

"Sure looks like it," Harry thoughtlessly shot back. Draco glared impatiently. "I, well to be honest I came looking for a fight." Draco's glare deepened and he pushed off the tree. "But I changed my mind, I don't know why I'm still here but..." Harry paused and watched as Draco slowly turned to leave. " Please don't leave." Draco stopped walking "I just..."

"What? You just what?" Draco spun on his heel, "feel the need to apologize? Why? So you can ease your conscience?" Draco struggled to keep from shouting the result was a tightened jaw.

"What? No?!" Harry looked so puzzled that under different circumstances Draco would have laughed, "apologize for what? If anyone needs to apologize it's you! You ruined everything i was working so hard for!"

"You think everything I do is evil or full of malice! You just can't understand!" Draco shouted, he didn't care anymore. He had hoped that Harry could see past his mask and into the real Draco, he had been so wrong.

"Of course! All you do is strut around making fun of people! What's there to understand about a bully!?" Harry was also shouting. He was getting the fight he came for but it was making him feel worse which irritated him even more. Draco ground his teeth together and turned to leave. He was so done with Harry, he never wanted to see him again. "Yea run away, that's what you're good at!" Harry seethed.

Next thing he knew he felt warmth spreading throughout his face and trickling from his nose. Draco had turned around and slugged him in the face, Draco's fist was pulled back ready for another punch. Harry ducked, swung his foot out and sent Draco toppling to the ground. Harry straddled Draco and went to punch him but was caught off guard by Draco's squirming. Draco was still glaring at Harry as he tried to get Harry off of him.

Harry put his hands on Draco's face to still him. "Don't," Draco flinched away from Harry's touch. "Don't touch me, and gt off of me!" Draco tried once again to free himself.

"What are we doing?" Harry sat back freeing Draco.

"I'd say fighting." Draco stood and brushed the dirt from his clothes.

"No, I mean..."Harry shook his head "never mind." He stood and headed back to the castle deciding now wasn't the time to talk about their stupid kiss.

Draco stayed out until well after the sun had set. He had skipped all of his classes that day, not that he really cared. The castle was warm and welcoming in contrast with the chilly spring night. Draco carefully made his way to the kitchen. He was hungry and it was easy to bully the house elves into giving him food. He paused as he heard a clank behind him. Turning quickly he saw a small bowl rolling on the floor in the corridor behind him. Draco's eyebrows knit in confusion, the castle was always so pristine so why was there a rouge bowl rolling around. He looked for Peeves only to find absolutely nothing. He shrugged and turned to head back to the kitchen.

He had taken only a few steps when he ran into something unseen, remembering the invisible mistletoe barrier he looked up. Nothing was there, Draco was sorely confused until he remembered a certain student had an invisibility cloak. He reached out until he touched something solid. Draco tore the cloak off Harry and threw it behind himself. "Why are you following me?"

"I wanted a snack and found you running around so I thought I would see who you were off to torture." Harry was being half honest, he was a bit hungry. He had been following Draco because, well he didn't really know why but it didn't matter

Draco growled Harry was just assuming he was up to no good. "Whatever, you should go back to Gryffindor tower before..." Draco was cut off as Harry pressed their lips together.

Kissing Harry was better than Draco remembered. Harry broke the kiss, "all we do is fight, maybe we should figure out why the mistletoe..."

Draco laughed throwing his head back. "You're still thinking about the mistletoe!" Draco forced up more laughter, he couldn't let Harry know that he was as well.

"So are you!"

"No, I'm not," Draco wiped the corners of his eyes.

"You are," Harry glared. Draco smiled daring him to prove it. Harry pushed Draco to the nearest wall. "I can prove it." Harry pinned Draco's hands above his head. "If you want," Harry smiled impishly.

"You can't prove anything," Draco was getting nervous. If he fought Harry off he would ruin his resolution to be nicer to Harry, and he had just made that resolution early that day. However if he stayed here, he shook his head. Staying here was not an option.

Harry took that as the final sign of denial and pressed their lips together. Electricity shot through Draco, this was the longest kiss yet. Harry opened his mouth slowly and brought his tongue out to taste Draco's bottom lip. He licked it tortuously slow. Draco lost it, he moaned. Harry pulled away and smirked.

"Okay," Draco leaned his head on the wall and swallowed his voice husky as he continued "I've been thinking about our first kiss all year." Draco looked at Harry through his eyelashes.

Harry smirked, released Draco's hands and put his own hands on Draco's hips moving his lips closer to Draco's mouth, "I thought so." Draco could feel Harry's words on his own lips, Harry then licked Draco's lips again and closed the space between them.

Draco's hands wove through Harry's messy hair as he kissed Harry in return. Harry was driving him mad, but he decided he liked it best that way. He pulled away breathing heavily, "You know I'm still hungry," his stomach growled emphasizing the statement.

Harry laughed as he moved away freeing Draco completely. He grabbed Draco's hand and was surprised when Draco entwined their fingers together. "Yea me to." With that they walked hand in hand to get their midnight snack.

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thanks for reading the second chapter... when i originally wrote the first chapter for this story i had every intention to make 3 chapters... but i really like the way that this one ends so if you all want a third chapter just let me know and i'll do my best to make it so ^-^

feel free to rate and review


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